Maria Ng Sau Sim

Needy

2010-10-03T05:06:00.000-07:00

Lately,i just dont know what going on with me ..i developed this biggest ego in me that i could not resist silently..i want to be alone in peace walking this piece of life ...i tell to myself i going to be lonely..but time going to just change me ..a tougher person indeed...however, there is a dissatisfaction that i just keep it shut..attention disorder people...indeed like me..people 's shout out..whatever..keep your mouth shut once in a while..i felt so crazy

what type of woman you are?

2010-09-22T06:14:00.000-07:00

lying in front of everyone???????????????????!!!!!!goosh it is a court room and you dare to speak lies for money ..i do not know whether you are hallucinating or what so ever but i do think you really deserve hell you woman...!!!!!!!!!!!i dont know are you my mother even!!!!!!

my new library!! y new IKO and officially addicted to nescafe!

2010-08-29T06:30:00.001-07:00

exam kinda stressfull!!!

the wake up call!!!

2010-08-29T04:57:00.000-07:00

OFFICIALLY SAYING THANK YOU TO MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND YOU HOT STRANGER!!!!!!!

1.my life is not dull. I have interesting and controversial family.Unique yet fun.They teach me about being angry,disappointment, happiness, fight like you are a bitch, settle things just like a man, shout it loud if you are dissatisfy, thank god for what ever we have on the table, good manners..especially my aunts..Hey everything is good.i have learn and i am still learning like a human being should.No matter how i felt disappointed with my biological mummy with her attitude (of course her lies and her act of dragging my dad to court) ..i still learn to forgive her and still learning to love what she had done for me.Every single time,i called my dad after his court case between my mum, i kept telling him to forgive whatever she had done because she still loves you very much and she could not let you go and of course this is the only weird way to have your attention.You might think she freaking crazy but that's her way..i am learning to forgive my estranged mother and stop backstabbing her.i admit that i had back stab her lots of time and it is wrong.i love you mummy and i am sorry.Jesus is great for He had made replacement in everything .I had lost you mummy and i got a cool mum from china!!!i got two mum.my biological mummy AMY ..she is a good cook and she is hot!!!she got freaking nice skin and body!!! My mum Chai hung (means Rainbow)..she hot hot and she is my great mummy!!!i love Jesus ...I love daddy...

2.FRiends..they made me learn ..at one sudden point i remember how i use to gossip about my friends in secondary school and involve myself to back stab people in INTERACT club with my president and everyone..hahaha..damn funny to think about the topic we had gossip about and freaking childish.i glad i am reflecting it because only now i realize people might get hurt for things that i have done .I remember how hypocrite i was but i remember how i manage to be in two different situation and turns up to be in two freaking team.i am stuck and i put fire on two places at same time.and as college and in University..i guess the habit is still there. there is a turning point that made all these changed..i admit frequently i had done this and i realize how many people had hurt with my dirty routine and how manipulative i can be and how many innocent soul i kill ..i am responsible for these change in these innocent souls no matter how i try to change me myself and stop my devil attitude...i realize that i have to put it down on GOD's hand to judge me and drown myself to death..and even death CANT change things that had happen..so i am learning because of these point and this moment..shall i will never forget who had push and provoke this turning point of me!!the message that i glance for 5 sec hit my senses..takes 5 sec to make thousand of changes..i realized is a turn..a turn of good..and i am sorry for everything that i have done..

3.i wanna change my life..tired.. tense..full of drama that i had made for myself..revenge after revenge..grudges on friends and family..i learn to let it go..and i hope everyone will bless my change!!!i am a human determined to change because i know there 's a good future that HE had offered!!i will want to change..no more the hypocrite MARIA nor the busybody MAria..or the Bitch MAria!!!i do not wanna involve myself in any way that i get into trouble and i want all my friend be HAPPY!!!!who ever tries to make your life a hell..show them you are better than them..do your way if you have the confident to do it!!you have my full support..i support you to have a better life!!!you all my family and my friends..

4.i hope to change!!!i want to change!!devil shall go off!!!i want to do crazy stuff and i wanna make life better!!!i love my life!!!i wanna to tell to my future generation my stories of how bad am I and how badly i wanna make changes!!

i do .. i do

2010-03-22T06:09:00.000-07:00

today was suprising...the first time i watch xiaxue marriage video..i was kinda ermm say to myself..i might wanna settle down one day with someone that Jesus arrange for me..i was hoping i really get what i want especially the ones that really fits my criteria...hmmm i definitely wants to go for a stable ones..makes me misses scott J so much but too bad he not into Jesus just like i wanted it..things dont go the way you want it...the road will never be straight..
here's a thing that i got from somewhere after thinking about it...

i want A MAN ....
who Loves Jesus more than me

a man who knows how to appreciate the things I do for him.
a man who pampers me with something that money can't buy
a man who knows his mistakes and try to make it right.
a man who can be my pillow whenever i need someone to lean on.
a man who knows when to give in and let down his pride.
a man who'd communicate, listen and respond
a man who respects me, my family and his.
a man who enjoys what life has to offer.
a man who can say yes or no instead of 'anything'.
a man who won't keep me waiting though the day or night.
a man who (at least) try figure out what's going on inside me and resolve it.
a man who help the relationship work when it gets tough
a man who'd never lay his hand on woman
a man who works hard and plans well for his future
a man who is motivated
a man who doesn't treat me like a child
a man who doesn't easily give up
a man who love me for what i am instead of trying to change me into his image.
a man who takes responsibility for his actions
a man who gives me freedom that I need.
a man who loves me with no doubts.

i do???????

2010-03-22T05:29:00.001-07:00

the silent moment

2010-03-19T16:41:00.000-07:00

this is where i want to be...be silent forever.once we strike ..we will never go back from where we belong

Today is Today..Tommorow is Tommorow

2010-03-19T04:32:00.000-07:00

Today someone ask me..which part of my life i wanna change...lots..lots that i regret but one thing i will never change is Jesus and my daddy.i wish there's always a turning..god has HIS plan...i woldnt meet HIM if my parents is not divorced.i wouldnt positive if HE never drill m up wit family problems and money. i sat with Praveena and told her how i wish i could have start from zero to build my own identity...i hated how my family used to be and even now..i tired telling lies that my family is a happy family.deep down..my father ..this little short boy tore of his heart and break his heart few trillion times i could have seen..For what such reason that Jesus wanna drill this old man..but one miracle i could see it coming is daddy approaching HIM slowly..i am happy despite of all the fuss made up by other people even his own blood...why people say children is the greatest gift..i would have say child is not the greatest for my dad...how i wish to say to people to leave my dad alone ..stop torturing him.Jesus ..i beg you to have mercy on him my father..i love you Jesus for you have taken care of us.we are not that strong for you to drill us but i glad we learn through a lot.hope people out there knows how to appreciate.

i would wanna change who my mom is..i am sorry to say so..i would wanna change who is my big sister is..i would wanna change my name ..i would wanna change my citizen...i would wanna CHange and change everything i have...do i have any...Yes i have Jesus and Daddy to be with me...

But you know what..i faith in Jesus..things gonna be alright and better ...not only alright..it is gonna be perfectly awesome.my family gonna come back in a better shape worshiping Jesus ..i just have to keep on believing

Daddy gonna live his life just the way he wanted it..He is too good..i hated it when there's no sense of appreciation..

i am tired and let her go ..

2010-03-19T04:11:00.001-07:00

Wonder why human beings can think highly about themselves?when things go so damn wrong ,they actually thinks that there isn't a solution.They look up everything basically on their ego.they will never break their ego which they called them as the so call principal of life!they dont even know who they owe their life too....who are you to forget your old man that raise you up after a long time?so what a big deal if you get marry?what?it means that you are the property of your useless husband or wife?listen up and look upon the bible...the word of lord..obey your daddy and your mother for a permanent joy in your life...Jesus states that!!!!thank you!!!put your ego attitude away and bow down to the earth for once...Family member will never harm you or you call them the so Ke Po but they care...If you no longer know how to draw the line to insult and appreciate your family member..back off and shall god bless your joy..think about it joy or happiness that you want!!!!joy ..i want forever with a person i want to obey is my dad!!!!be end with your rui life and shall god have mercy on you with what you done to your dad and yourself

hey hey

2009-12-02T18:01:00.000-08:00

exam is coming ....feels like dying..very tension lorrr....thinking of church before exam or after exam..cant wait for holiday!!still got time for camhowring!!!!!!!!goodbye dennn!!!!!!!!!!

small room to rent in Vista B

2009-11-21T17:47:00.000-08:00

hey guys...there's small room for rent in Vista Komanwell B..great place to study and nice facility provided..nice cozy home made for people who loves kind of house that makes you feel at home..Internet ..TV...and nice yet modern kitchen for you to prepare your nice meal.Not only that it is a great place for study environment too.. call or Sms at 014-3926240 or 016- 2252148

this is what i feel when piece of shit throwed at me....

2009-11-21T17:26:00.000-08:00

i really felt angry and breathless whenever people doesnt know how to think about another people going through..what they know is throw the trouble that they made up to you and ended up i look like a bastard..a type bastard that people call me...i had to go through lots and lots of stuff..hey..i am not the only one whose having these responsibility ...how i wish i could just ran out of it..but no way right??i hate people who knows how to say they are what they are but never reflect back when they start throwing responsibility...totally hideous human on earth that not supposed to belong here...i cant imagine i had to cause a cat fight with the person that i dont even wanna talk too..ended up i look like bitch making small things to a big things and finding solution to solve things out..ewwwwwwwwwwwww....how i wish Scott is here...but i know when i pray to Jesus when i needed him them most ...he sent me his holy spirit...after the fight with I ...i felt that she is great but too bad i provoke her fire for nothing because of idiot that came out with problem..instead she calm and cool me down and even blast me back again..she know i was stress .

Interacial lovers...showing off or for real ???

2009-11-20T06:39:00.000-08:00

hmmm...i really aint got a comment on this stuff cause i am a mix myself..i am mix blood of three different countries..well i think dating someone who is out of your world is something nice to leave and drown with it.It makes you open more to the world and it makes you feel so good about it learning people 's world like their cultures and more...no doubt that we say now is year 2000 and everyone is so damn open minded but et ther's lot of interacial couple find it is hard when they had to face their differences in terms of believes,religion,bla bla...and the list goes on but dude ..this is not a lame excuse lol...believe me ..when comes to love everything can settle..differences can be overcome..i believe this couple really have to open to each other if there's anything to bring p before to put their relationship further on..but somehow if you shut up and be silent ..problem is always they and your children are the one whose affected..believe me and this is what happen to my parents..differences and mentality.my mom is also a mix blood of two countaries.she comes from a luxury family and with a different belief.well my dad is a english educated chinese who comes from average to wealthy family.My dad learn hardship because chinese believes that money dont come easy...differences and belief break their marriage which ended up in so many battle and misunderstanding until now..pity dad.what i can say is this type of love or couple..once they love each other they really do in love but once they break ..too bad..either they make up as friends or enemies..same goes to me..i cant choose..most of my ex are different races..but due to my weird taste i am happy being with someone who really do open to any culture..i love them for their free easy going mind and lifestyle..i love the maturity that they put out which really kills me to the max..i have my mind on love and being in love with diffferent skin colour..i guess i just trap in a community that accept changes...hey love is blind but dont blind yourself .....that why i love him

my meeting with him

2009-11-20T05:05:00.000-08:00

I met Scott and i was really happy to meet him.we hang out together..we talk and do things that people do.believe me or not..i start to feel for him.before this it was just a game made for fun..dude not because i like white guys...but having Scott with me makes me feel so secure and made me a me that i never see before..i was so timid and small..i never talk..but i stare at him as if there is no tommorow..watching movies with him and he would had grab and hold my hand throughout the movies till i fall asleep...he would keep asking me whether he 's hair is still nice and soft ? he would just lie on me and watch his movies..champagne would be a must must when we meet...but the last meeting was quite vulnerable to me when he really open up to me..i still can see that he have feeling for the other girl..but she is attached.. but i couldnt do anything..maybe it is time for him to settle down ...no more game..but definately not with me...i know who am i ..and where i stand..letting go is the thing .i just want him to be happy..he deserves lots..i do like him...

failure or another challenge fromHIM???

2009-11-09T05:15:00.000-08:00

my grades are dropping to the max to the extend of nothing i can do...all i can do is just put a maximum strength and workloads in my revision.wonder how is assignment...Sungai Buloh was okie okie..lots of controversy happened through out this period...but what do i care....i miss home and i miss my spirituallity that i admired myself the most..whre s JESUS?

What 's up with life yo??????????

2009-08-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

Dad just finish court case...hopefully we can MAke IT out oF Hell..As Usually my FinANciAl probleM !!!HAizzz!!TEst And Test..EHHHH ...very Stresss Eh,,,Lots oF KIasu Lang eh...my Stepmum buying me Face mask!!!whOle setTTTT!!!Anyway she JUst bought an apartment IN China.....HOpefully She got bring back lots of Mushrooms!!!!!!!!!plus WINe!!!red WINE!!!somehow i realise a got very dark skiN ehhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! i Felt That as IF I look very DaMn Dark..HAte that Feeling!!!

BANg..bang..bang

2009-08-05T04:17:00.000-07:00

we taLK ...we Sort it oUT...i ThouGHT is goNNA be oKEy...SHe still BAng thE dooR!!!!!!!!!!Am i Really that bad???I aM tired to BE good And tired To sTarT a War...I pray hard..my leg anD my hEart shivERs....JesuS tell me....PUT my ear to deaf...PLease!!!!!!!!!

New hEart attacKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Diagnose ME noW!!

2009-08-01T19:23:00.000-07:00

well oBviously i Cried yesterday ...thought Things goNNa be okey...i felt so...BUt no...noiSe and BanginNg ...AnD i was awake...Felt Like i got SeveraL heart aTTacks..THen I sleep Again...i dont Really cAre by Then...Morning Again Was Another Heart AttAAckkkkkkkk...WAs not From G but My someone...thaT i Care and The one I still cant Let go....HE writtEn a Post'I miss Her"...obviously ...He gt himSelf A new Chick alreadY.....HAizzz...Tearing Me aPart..ANyway ...i already kNew we canT be together beCAuse oF Distance...i sHould let HIM go...But it will Take some Time which I beliEve to be sooner or Later....

MOving In as If i am 19 feet in Hell drowninG for notHIng

2009-08-01T02:13:00.000-07:00

Well ...i move into a nice house but it's kinda messy lorr...thing goES sIMply wrong when i got accused oF throwing G's shoes cuZ i am a cleAn freak...AND i still strong say I didnt THRow her shoEs while clearing up..I just throw thing that S says wanna throw ..ANd clearly we never throw her shoes or EVEn seeN the shoes THAT she describe..ANd yet iT look like I am the one WHO still behind the BARS for that matter..for nothing.. leaving a BAD impression on her aboUT me...So i Figure out that we talK face to Face and clear Thing out...She was okey When we clarify thing And her mom was an awesome mom...hot mom and was a blessing for G to have such mom who cares Bout HEr...But seems to be ...shE is disatisfy after the FACE to face..i Understand The feeling of loosing the shoes...its not 10 bucks shoes ..that you can get in NIght Market ...I even told this incident to mY dad..He told me to tell and explain and always Never Try to bring in Trouble.s..Well After the Face to Face thing...I assume thing IS oKEY....RESULT: It wonT be okey that easy to HER...!! I knew thing aint good or so called 'okey' when S tell me she BANGs the door quite often when I came Back for my new semester...to me BANGing the damn Door is Anger!I dont know what to do ...i even told myself maybe S was wrong...maybe she not purposely bang the door..maybe she is hurrying to school...Result:i dont want face to face talk to HER...it just worsen thing up ...Just let time loosen the strings...i dont wanna get high blood pressure with my ECG reading which interprets i gonna have mycardial infarction..i TRY to leave it to JESUs..He told Be be patient!!!Guest its all my FAult!!i still will close my door silently...i have faith things gonna be alright...I dont ask for more but hopes that she will be fine and get her Temper over the Incident...She can BLAme me as long as SHE wants...She can even throW the temper on mE..oR tell everyonE that I am a stealer...She can announce IT to the WHole world...She can look down on mE...No matter HOw she's doing it to me.. i HAve principal of my LIFe...and I admit for Parts that i had done wrong.. and I duno how to make it UP...But time will tell me ways...AS lonely i am...I still HAve JESUS ...i dont hope for anything piece of Candy for my brave confession and my humble character...i stand for who I am ... i have been through A lot...leavING in hell ..Leaving In a place WHere I dont even know...THAnks to my JEsus and MR mike NG (father and mother of mine)... i will be strong...for G ...i know we are not that GREat right now...Forgive ME...i never force you...but let time do it..JEsus thanks for telling me what to do...patience....humble...

The breaking point of who i am

2009-04-07T07:28:00.000-07:00

Guest someone help me by telling me how much i grow in HIM...i went back and slept and i started to say 'i am a big girl'.One day i know had to walk alone without daddy but i still have HIM.I am still Mike Ng daughter.Daddy i love you.Therefore i will learn to leave things behind..my anger..my fury..no point anymore to be what i am tired to be..just make me tired..
I just want to go to HIM and say 'Let me follow YOU the right way'.Nothing much to say but i just could describe how big am i already..just wishing i will be with HIM earlier....
My friend sent me this message.'Fear not,for I am with you.
Be not dismayed for I am your god.I will strengthen you' Isaiah 41:10....nice of her..
Jesus always tell me.. never ever scare for I will be with through good and bad, for you are my son and my daughter, no one shall ever harm them because I love all of you no matter how much good and bad things you have done...hold ME tight never let go..always believe that you are no alone..girl every test is to make you a better person and a tougher person,Take this as a present and reward...you may something in between but in the end here always a bigger reward behind..

i change to someone better

2009-04-06T17:24:00.000-07:00

Things might not change that fast...i am just a normal human being who hunger from HIM everyday.i still comit sins which i always cause my dad to have lots of trouble..today i woke up...i heard his calling and woship HIM on my balcony..even though the devil never gave up in torturing my mentality with my past..well i tell u what you little devil'YOU GONNA LOSE THIS GAME!!!'...I want to be with HIM and bring the one i love to be with HIM.It will happen and will happen soon cause it is JESUS plan for me..HE is the...HE will SHOW IT ..IT is not impossible but everything is possible...I BELIEVE JESUS is my life!!!!my WAY!!!!...My life!!!!HE IS MY DADDY...MY SAVIOUR...MY HERo..MY EVRYTHING

Isolation brings reflection

2009-04-06T07:03:00.000-07:00

This semester i really dont know wat triggers me to be alone..maybe thats the turning point where Jesus want me to do reflection..a reflection for who i had been for all my lifes..for what i repent for doing it again..my sin nature..what pushes me towards the darkerst side of my life..what pushes me to become for what i am not...this may be a good turning or just another life jeopardising moment..Lord.. i came to you in bare hand with nothing to offer..for you have save this sinner..i hold my hand up leaving all my life to you..lord hold me and protect me from the inside out...forgive my sin..bring me a life of joy and life of worshipping you.. i want to change my life for you for i leave here for you...my journey to Jesus never ends even tough it had to be a muddy ones...i believes you are the truth for you had save me!!!

it pierces through my heat and soul

2009-04-06T05:45:00.000-07:00

I knew Dad been through lot of tough times.Today i hear the strength of a dad to hold on for what he not deserves.i tear his heart.i made him sad.But he is my best Friend and the greatest living dad on earth.Last Monday,Daddy had to go to court regarding my little brother's custody.I could imagine this.He was thinking so much.Even after the divorce,she still haunts him.she lives a luxury life and we lives in a pethatic life but we made out the best with what we have.we still quarell among siblings but that what hurts the most to daddy.He made the biggest turning point by raising 5 of us with his own bare hand and she made the most joy in her life by living us.i will never forget that.On the way to court,my dad droves my sisters in her old toyota car that barely living with no aircond.It was hot and the car only moves 90kmph.Then a hyundai car came and overtake them.It was ny mom who sue my father for money.i wonder why he had to suffer and she living with a gold spoon in her mouth...i cant blame life..i just pray and pray..right now i dont barely know what is she in my life..this matter had tear me apart from who i believes i suppose to be..i wonder how this old man (daddy) get his strength.. how his can hold tight,how he can firmly stand when everyone turn against him.. i cant do anything to saves me but my prayer will always be with him for he shall be protect by Jesus..Jesus only will protect for whom had being frame..for whom who will turn to him whenever problem rises.. for whom turn to him for always....Daddy i love you for who you are..i am so sad for things t hapen this way.. ibelieves when you go up there..Jesus will love you more and for we are here..(earth) just a passing by..daddy your hardwork and love overcomes everything.i wish we will meet in heaven and we shall unite as one with everyone you love.forgive them for what they have done...for shall lord will present you values in your life.i believes in you Jesus..and Daddy ..you always my best daddy forever.. i will never forget you till my last breath..Jesus take him in abundance peaceful life.daddy deserves it.i love him so much and i prayer hard with a loud and confidence in me Jesus shall save him and and he will and in the nearest time live in peaceful abundance life.he will and do it!!

i no longer for who i am

2009-04-06T05:40:00.000-07:00

i started off my day very blur with no purpose.I felt like a Robot doing things that i never comand myself to do.i read my Nursing reference book.my soul is so empty.i took the bible and read chapter Acts.Jesus taught me of the word trust,believes and faith.My spirit shatters.I am so low in spirit and my heart barely shout out loud to HIM.I dont know what was I doing..i Just hug my Bible ..holding and gripping my cross.my mind was blank.In the afternoon,my friend sent me an e-mail regarding test result.Iwas so scared and thats what haunt me for the ast few weeks.I always tell people I am in Here because Jesus had plan for me everything.He knows want i want and He wants me to be safe.And today i can even dare to plan to quit if i can pass my score for this test.Dad has been through tough times to put me here.Jesus as well.i am sorry to trouble everyone.Then i decided to go to universitty to collect my result and THE most suprising thing is 'IT IS NOT OUT YET'.and it really test my confidence towards HIM.I fail.i find my santuary in my room.i knelt down and pray..i cry but wast me at all..i realise i was no longer i am ..i change..

my faith

2009-04-05T20:51:00.000-07:00

today 6/4/2009..my day was without any purpose.i felt tired ..everything i do wasnt under my brain instruction.i read the bible chapter Acts...i see what Jesus want to tell me ..patience and faith..worrying about my family and test..regretting my act ..Jesus and my soul tell me to shout out loud i believe i can do it...i never shout in my soul cause i wanted to give time to myself to learn and be confident without who i believe who whole heart.. i believe Jesus...i want Jesus so much..thats all i want..i want to speak out loud i love you Jesus and you are my hero,my everything that i coudnt describe with words