Needy

Lately,i just dont know what going on with me ..i developed this biggest ego in me that i could not resist silently..i want to be alone in peace walking this piece of life ...i tell to myself i going to be lonely..but time going to just change me ..a tougher person indeed...however, there is a dissatisfaction that i just keep it shut..attention disorder people...indeed like me..people 's shout out..whatever..keep your mouth shut once in a while..i felt so crazy

what type of woman you are?

lying in front of everyone???????????????????!!!!!!goosh it is a court room and you dare to speak lies for money ..i do not know whether you are hallucinating or what so ever but i do think you really deserve hell you woman...!!!!!!!!!!!i dont know are you my mother even!!!!!!

my new library!! y new IKO and officially addicted to nescafe!

exam kinda stressfull!!!

the wake up call!!!

OFFICIALLY SAYING THANK YOU TO MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND YOU HOT STRANGER!!!!!!!

1.my life is not dull. I have interesting and controversial family.Unique yet fun.They teach me about being angry,disappointment, happiness, fight like you are a bitch, settle things just like a man, shout it loud if you are dissatisfy, thank god for what ever we have on the table, good manners..especially my aunts..Hey everything is good.i have learn and i am still learning like a human being should.No matter how i felt disappointed with my biological mummy with her attitude (of course her lies and her act of dragging my dad to court) ..i still learn to forgive her and still learning to love what she had done for me.Every single time,i called my dad after his court case between my mum, i kept telling him to forgive whatever she had done because she still loves you very much and she could not let you go and of course this is the only weird way to have your attention.You might think she freaking crazy but that's her way..i am learning to forgive my estranged mother and stop backstabbing her.i admit that i had back stab her lots of time and it is wrong.i love you mummy and i am sorry.Jesus is great for He had made replacement in everything .I had lost you mummy and i got a cool mum from china!!!i got two mum.my biological mummy AMY ..she is a good cook and she is hot!!!she got freaking nice skin and body!!! My mum Chai hung (means Rainbow)..she hot hot and she is my great mummy!!!i love Jesus ...I love daddy...



2.FRiends..they made me learn ..at one sudden point i remember how i use to gossip about my friends in secondary school and involve myself to back stab people in INTERACT club with my president and everyone..hahaha..damn funny to think about the topic we had gossip about and freaking childish.i glad i am reflecting it because only now i realize people might get hurt for things that i have done .I remember how hypocrite i was but i remember how i manage to be in two different situation and turns up to be in two freaking team.i am stuck and i put fire on two places at same time.and as college and in University..i guess the habit is still there. there is a turning point that made all these changed..i admit frequently i had done this and i realize how many people had hurt with my dirty routine and how manipulative i can be and how many innocent soul i kill ..i am responsible for these change in these innocent souls no matter how i try to change me myself and stop my devil attitude...i realize that i have to put it down on GOD's hand to judge me and drown myself to death..and even death CANT change things that had happen..so i am learning because of these point and this moment..shall i will never forget who had push and provoke this turning point of me!!the message that i glance for 5 sec hit my senses..takes 5 sec to make thousand of changes..i realized is a turn..a turn of good..and i am sorry for everything that i have done..


3.i wanna change my life..tired.. tense..full of drama that i had made for myself..revenge after revenge..grudges on friends and family..i learn to let it go..and i hope everyone will bless my change!!!i am a human determined to change because i know there 's a good future that HE had offered!!i will want to change..no more the hypocrite MARIA nor the busybody MAria..or the Bitch MAria!!!i do not wanna involve myself in any way that i get into trouble and i want all my friend be HAPPY!!!!who ever tries to make your life a hell..show them you are better than them..do your way if you have the confident to do it!!you have my full support..i support you to have a better life!!!you all my family and my friends..



4.i hope to change!!!i want to change!!devil shall go off!!!i want to do crazy stuff and i wanna make life better!!!i love my life!!!i wanna to tell to my future generation my stories of how bad am I and how badly i wanna make changes!!

i do .. i do

today was suprising...the first time i watch xiaxue marriage video..i was kinda ermm say to myself..i might wanna settle down one day with someone that Jesus arrange for me..i was hoping i really get what i want especially the ones that really fits my criteria...hmmm i definitely wants to go for a stable ones..makes me misses scott J so much but too bad he not into Jesus just like i wanted it..things dont go the way you want it...the road will never be straight..
here's a thing that i got from somewhere after thinking about it...



i want A MAN ....
who Loves Jesus more than me

a man who knows how to appreciate the things I do for him.
a man who pampers me with something that money can't buy
a man who knows his mistakes and try to make it right.
a man who can be my pillow whenever i need someone to lean on.
a man who knows when to give in and let down his pride.
a man who'd communicate, listen and respond
a man who respects me, my family and his.
a man who enjoys what life has to offer.
a man who can say yes or no instead of 'anything'.
a man who won't keep me waiting though the day or night.
a man who (at least) try figure out what's going on inside me and resolve it.
a man who help the relationship work when it gets tough
a man who'd never lay his hand on woman
a man who works hard and plans well for his future
a man who is motivated
a man who doesn't treat me like a child
a man who doesn't easily give up
a man who love me for what i am instead of trying to change me into his image.
a man who takes responsibility for his actions
a man who gives me freedom that I need.
a man who loves me with no doubts.

i do???????

the silent moment

this is where i want to be...be silent forever.once we strike ..we will never go back from where we belong